It’s not like anyone seemed to care so much, really. Although not entirely uncommon, it sure was alienating when others were talking about their futures. In middle school, her friends would often talk about their future weddings, or what color eyes they think their soulmate will have. She’d put on a brave face, entertain them for a bit.
Coricopat became her rock.
He was never far, just at the table over, or down the hall. He somehow knew exactly what she was feeling, always shooting a text over just when she needed it. They’d go home after hard days and curl up on opposites side of the couch, watch a movie, share popcorn. Somehow, words never needed to flow between them. Just a small look, a smile. What else are brothers for?
---
“Congrats, kid.” Coricopat loops his arm around Tantomile’s shoulders, ruffling her hair. “Can’t believe you graduated!”
The look she gives him could curdle milk as she replies, “Okay, mister two-point-oh.” Her face shifts to a smile. “Congratulations.” She pulls herself free of his grasp just as Demeter walks over, arm in arm with Munkustrap. It’s been a long time since Tanto stopped feeling jealous of her aunt for their storybook love story. Maybe it’s the fact she’s officially out of high school and moving into the real world, but something tugs at her heart seeing them like that.
“You’re adults now. How does it feel?” Munkustrap fixes Cori’s cap, and pats Tanto’s shoulder. “Any plans for the future?”
Coricopat, always the braggart, straightens up his back and proudly announces, “We bought a house.”
He winces when a bony elbow lands in his ribcage, which is followed by Tantomile clarifying, “Our parents bought us a house.”
“It’s a ‘sorry you don’t have a soulmate’ present.” Before the elbow Tanto throws his way can meet him, he jumps out of the way and she ends up nearly falling over from the motion.
“Can’t you behave for one day?” she says when she regains her balance. As much as she appreciates him when he’s helping her out, he is one pain in the ass. He’s lucky mom and dad did this for them, because otherwise he’d never find a roommate. Although, she probably would’ve been his roommate anyway. She gets antsy when they’re too far apart, like she can’t feel the world beneath her feet. She needs him. But, that’s not something she’d admit out loud, and it’s not even something she admits to herself, without at least three layers of mental bubblewrap.
“It’s just Munkustrap!” Cori whines, but Tantomile can feel his stance soften next to her. It’s nice, having someone really understand you.
---
She was four, the first time she remembers being “different.” All the kids in pre-school were showing off, bragging about how soon they’d be meeting their other half. Tantomile proudly raised her arm and said, “I don’t even have one, I’m special!”
That wasn’t the opinion of the other children, however. They teased her, and then came back the next day with “sorry”s their parents had obviously forced them to give after hearing from their teacher. They were nice to her, and no one seemed to remember that incident afterward, but Tantomile kept it with her. She cried about it to Coricopat, and he consoled her in the way only a brother can; he threatened to beat them all up, even at that age. She laughed him off, and they ended the night playing tag.
Cori was always like that, cheering her up when things got hard. She tended to be more emotional, but he was always detached. He was always the cool to her hot, even when she could tell that deep down he was feeling something similar. That was one of the many reasons he was her best friend. He never seemed to let the timers affect him, not how it did her.
---
“House” is a bit of an overstatement, Tantomile decides after a week. They’d all visited together before, while moving in their belongings, but the twins’ parents had bought the place without telling them. It’s got two bedrooms and a living room, but it’s not much bigger than that. In fact, it’s a duplex, with very friendly neighbors who like to have very loud sex. Tantomile has the room opposite theirs, and her first purchase after that first night was a better set of speakers.
Now, sitting in her room, trying to drown them out but also not wanting to raise the volume on her music all that loud because it’s late, she eventually gives up and knocks on Coricopat’s door.
“Open,” he shouts. As the hinges squeak open, which she begrudgingly adds to her mental list of “things mom and dad should have told us about before move-in day and I will now have to fix,” her eyes land on her brother, vegged out in bed watching some anime or other.
“The neighbors are being, uh, loud, again,” she euphemizes.
“Let them fuck. Just because you can’t get any doesn’t mean they have to be miserable too.” His delicacte handling of these situations is impeccable as always. She throws herself next to him on the bed, and he squirms over to give her more room.
“For your information, I could ‘get some’ at any moment I please.”
“Right, with the other no-soulmate rejects in town.” He rolls his eyes so far Tantomile is certain they’re about to pop out of his head, then reaches over and squeezes her arm. Even when he’s trying to be catty, he can’t commit. It’d a bit pathetic, actually, if it weren’t directed at her. It’s cute when it’s to her.
“And if I did go on dates with another ‘reject’? Where would your sorry butt be? Home, missing me?” She doesn’t add that she’d be the one missing him.
“Nah. I’ve already got a hookup on the schedule. I’m sure she’ll have a good time on the Coricopat Express.” He winks, and Tantomile’s stomach tumbles. He’s so gross, but something about the thought of him with another girl makes her sick. He’s her Coricopat.
Maybe she should go on a date, just to prove she doesn’t need him.
---
She had a crush in high school. Most kids do, but no one ever does anything about it. There’s no point in sleeping with someone now when you’ll meet your someone later.
Tantomile, of course, did not have that experience.
She spent all her free time thinking about him, imagining what it would be like to hold him, to kiss him. She never told anyone except Coricopat. Back then, you were never supposed to think about people who weren’t your destiny that way. It wasn’t proper, not something any upstanding citizen would do. Eventually the people who believed that became less and less, but back then, it was a secret she held deep inside herself.
One day, as she was crying into her pillow, Coricopat came down and lay beside her. He didn’t touch her, didn’t say anything, just laid there. It was comforting.
She knew then that he could take care of everything for her, forever. She just needed to let him.
---
She decides not to go on a date. She doesn’t want to deal with the awkward silences that were sure to come, the small looks they’d share, knowing it would never work out, that they weren’t meant to be. Coricopat says that’s stupid, that she should just enjoy herself and not worry about the future, but it doesn’t stick. It’s never stuck, all the times he’s told her that.
So, life goes on. They sit on the couch and watch movies, cook breakfast together, share desserts.
It’s during one such dessert, that Coricopat speaks up.
“Have you ever looked at my birth certificate?”
She shakes her head, cocks an eyebrow. “No? Should I have?”
“Maybe.” He doesn’t expand on that, which isn’t like him. Tantomile sets her fork down, reaches out to touch his shoulder.
He pulls away, so fast his hair scoots backward a bit with the force. For the first time she notices that his hair, usually meticulously gelled back, is disheveled, falling in his face.
“Cori, you’re scaring me,” she says, slowly bringing her hand back to her body. “Are you sick? What happened?”
“The girl I’ve been seeing wanted to know my rising sign. I didn’t know what that meant, but she explained, and I went to check my time of birth.”
Astrology? He could have just asked her if he really thought his chart was that bad, he knows she’s into that stuff. “Uh huh,” she prompts with a tilt of her head.
“It says five minutes. I had five minutes on my clock when I was born.” He says this in a rush, and Tantomile’s heart drops. He wasn’t like her, after all this time. She should have known.
This is her time to be the strong one. “So, it’s just like that show mom watches. You’ll have to find all the nurses who delivered us, and one of them will be yours. Mom loves that show. You know how they are, they probably just never noticed. It’ll be fine.” A hand reaches out to comfort him again, her fingers pressing against his surprisingly cold face, but he wrenches away even harder this time.
“Tantomile. You were born five minutes after me.”
“Oh, shit.”
You’re supposed to have a beautiful, lifechanging, soul altering kiss with your other half when you meet them. That’s how it is in the movies, when a girl’s timer is ticking down but she’s bedridden, sick as a dog, so she takes one stab at leaving the house and stumbles down the road, her soulmate chasing after her to keep her from running into traffic. That’s what she always wanted. She always knew she’d never get it, though, and she had resigned to that.
This is something new altogether.
They don’t kiss.
Somehow, however, she isn’t surprised. This is her Coricopat, her rock. Of course they were meant to be together, he’s always taken care of her, always been there for her.
“What now?” he asks.
Her chest rises and falls, in time with his. “We love each other.” The unspoken words are heavy in the air, the fact that they’re meant to make love, have children, be in a real relationship. The fact that they can’t do any of those things, not as twin siblings.
“I do love you, Tantomile. You know I’ve always loved you. This doesn’t change anything.” The gravity in his voice sends a shiver to her spine. He never speaks this way. He’s always joking, smiling, teasing.
Something about the realization makes her look at him differently. His eyes aren’t just brown anymore. They mean so much more to her now, they look golden, holding her whole life in them. Maybe she’ll warm up to everything. Maybe they’ll be okay living together as soulmates, even if they don’t share physicality. It’ll be fine.
---
“Can I lie in bed with you? I’m lonely,” Tantomile calls through his door, and he gets up and opens it.
They lay together, not quite touching, but not far enough that she couldn’t reach over and grab his hand if she needs to. It’s been a week since their realization, and they’ve tried to keep things normal, but they’ve not talked about what either of them wants.
So, Tantomile decides to talk. “Coricopat? I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He smiles at her.
“I want to be normal. You and me. I want love and kisses and sex and happiness and dates. I don’t care about anyone else. I want you.” She shifts to stare into his eyes, and she’s surprised that he isn’t. Deep down, somewhere, she already knew all these things. She’s always wanted him, but it never occurred to her in what way. Until he told her about their birth certificates, and she held them in her hands, comparing them, seeing it for herself.
Coricopat is hers, and she his. In every way, she wants to be normal. This is just an extension of that.
Rather than answer her, Coricopat scoots closer, and lays one chaste kiss on her lips. So much is said in that small act. They lay together all night, Tantomile falls asleep to the sound of her twin - her soulmate - breathing.
---
It takes months after that first kiss to progress any further. As much as Tantomile wants a normal relationship, this is still her brother. She can’t get that fact out of her mind every time she imagines anything more than cuddling and cheek kissing. She never thought she’d feel guilt over wanting her soulmate, and she didn’t at all, until she told him she wanted more. After verbalizing it, the “this is wrong, I’m disgusting” thoughts started raining down upon her.
Coricopat doesn’t push for anything more, and Tantomile gets the feeling that he doesn’t want a physical relationship with her. This only furthers her emotional spiral.
She doesn’t tell him any of this. They’ve started sharing a bed at night, it only took them a week to decide to convert Coricopat’s old room into an office space, and that’s nice. They kiss on the cheeks, the forehead, sometimes the lips. They whisper “I love you”s to each other.
It’s nice.
At some point, Tantomile has pushed everything behind her, and decides it’s time for more. They’re lying in bed, facing each other, and she reaches out and lightly strokes the crotch of his pants.
Coricopat’s eyes shoot open, and she breathes out, “Can I?”
Slowly, he nods, reaching out his hand toward her body with the same question.
The sex is slow, calm, intimate. Nothing like she’d imagined her first time would be, but it’s just like everything else is with Cori. Easy. Simple. Perfect.
Her perfect brother, now her perfect lover.